Sand Castles

I was laying in bed last night.  All excited and thinking about what I should write about next.  As my eyes drooped, I began thinking about sand castles.  Perfect.  Sand castles.

I can never recall a time when I actually built a sand castle.  In fact, I don’t believe I’ve ever even a real one.  Then I started to wonder if anyone has actually built one, or even seen one.  Granted at Lake Michigan there are dead fish, dirty condoms, and a smell that promotes a gag reflex, I think during one part of my life, I shoulda seen a damn sand castle.

So seriously, have you ever built or seen a real sand castle?  The only ones I can recall ever seeing are the ones for commercials about like . . suntan lotion.  With the little kids and of course, their dog, running around the beach smashing into the sand castle.  Or even those Viagra commercials, when the couple is just strolling down the beach, and are flirtfully building a sand castle or lightly tossing the dirty sand into each other’s faces. What the hell?  Yeah, nothing to get me more in the mood than playing with sand.

You know what else.  You know all these sand castles you see, like in commercials and such…they are always super good.  Like, a whole palace with a 3 foot story arc, like the kids are architects or something.  They are always perfectly aligned, with the sides all being the same height.  It makes me wonder:

a. Who the hell has that much time to sit and build a castle
b. How did they make it stay?
c. Are they not distressed, that this beautiful work of art that they just spent (if not) hours, will soon be destroyed by the ocean waves, or for that fact, the playfully romantic couple trying to seduce each other?

I’ll tell you something.  If I ever was going to build a sand castle, it would be more like a shanty town.

I’ll tell you what I have seen on the beach.  People having sex.  No joke.  I witnessed sex on the beach.  I have never seen a sand castle, but I’ve seen sex on the beach.  That’s right.  I mean, I wasn’t standing there staring at them, I happened to walk past as a couple was doin the nasty.  It was rainy one night..and Abs and decided to take a walk on the beach.  Yeah, in the rain.  (There were also lightening, but eh.)  Well the first time we walked by, they were sitting peacefully watching the storm.  As we turned around 20 min or so later, we happened to look and there they were.  You can’t blame them though.  Sex, in the rain, on the beach?  Alright then.